I'm not looking forward to my trip

So today is Tuesday. It is my first day back to work after a long holiday weekend. I had hoped for a great weekend before I left for Canada. I leave tonight after work at 8pm. Friday night I went to see my friend El and her new baby boy, Antonio. I had been putting of visiting for almost two months. He is absolutely adorable and I couldn’t be happier for her, but at the same time I couldn't wait to get out of there. I held the baby for a half hour and it took every ounce of strength I have to keep from crying. It's still unimaginable to me that I would have had a son in three weeks. I left Ell’s house and went to my friend Susie's. She has two children. A boy and a girl. They are older, 4 and almost 2 and a lot more fun. They loved the Christmas gifts I gave them and seeing them running around and playing put a smile on my face.
Sunday my husband and I went to our friend Larry’s father’s wake. He died suddenly for reasons I still do not understand. There were so many people and flowers. I just can't help but wonder, how many lives did he touch?
Anyway, we got home around nine, I went to the bathroom and to my surprise AF showed up. She gave me no sign she was coming. No bloating, no cramping, no back pain!! She is 7 days early. I am so upset and disappointed. I had planned my Canada trip this week in the hope that it would get me thought the 2ww, but now I am leaving knowing that I am still not pregnant. I shouldn't even be going on this trip. I had stopped traveling in August. I thought I would be out on maternity leave by now, maybe even looking for a new job and never having to travel away from my family again. I don't want to go to Canada. I do not want to spend my nights in a hotel room. It gets so lonely and depressing. I can’t wait for this week to be over.

Stupid weekend, Stupid OPK!!!!!

So, 2009 has not started in the way I had hoped. My husband has been sick with a terrible cold for the last two weeks, and I have been fighting it. We decided to BD every other day in the hopes of ttc this month. I am really hoping to be pregnant before my EDD of Feb. 7th. The EOD thing has been going well except for the fact that DH and I work opposite shift, so we have to BD when he gets home around 1am!!! I am completely exhausted and not in the mood and it is taking all the fun and excitement out of making a baby. I have been taking an OPK every day since Jan. 4th. I thought I started early because I ran out of test by Saturday and had to buy a new pack. I still have not gotten a positive read on the OPK. I am really concerned. The OPk worked for me last time!!! My cycle is off a few days, so I just don’t know exactly when I will O. Maybe I did already! I hope we didn’t miss is. We should have BD on Saturday but we were both feeling sick and I had just received bad news from my neighbor and good friend. Her and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a while. She went into the hospital on Wednesday to find out she had an ectopic pregnancy. The embryo had to be cut out and she had a D&C. She was in the hospital over night. Her Dr. informed her that she has to wait three cycles to give her body to heal. I fell just terrible for them. I spent Saturday morning with her crying. Her husband is ten years older than her and they are desperate to have a baby before he feels too old. I guess between her bad news and my cold, I was just not in the mood for BD. So, we BD on Thursday, not Friday or Saturday…but we BD on Sunday and Monday. I hope it was good enough. I am leaving for Canada next week so that will keep my mind off of testing for a while. I return on Friday Jan. 23rd and I plan on testing either that night or the next morning. I guess there is nothing left to do but pray!