I'm not looking forward to my trip

So today is Tuesday. It is my first day back to work after a long holiday weekend. I had hoped for a great weekend before I left for Canada. I leave tonight after work at 8pm. Friday night I went to see my friend El and her new baby boy, Antonio. I had been putting of visiting for almost two months. He is absolutely adorable and I couldn’t be happier for her, but at the same time I couldn't wait to get out of there. I held the baby for a half hour and it took every ounce of strength I have to keep from crying. It's still unimaginable to me that I would have had a son in three weeks. I left Ell’s house and went to my friend Susie's. She has two children. A boy and a girl. They are older, 4 and almost 2 and a lot more fun. They loved the Christmas gifts I gave them and seeing them running around and playing put a smile on my face.
Sunday my husband and I went to our friend Larry’s father’s wake. He died suddenly for reasons I still do not understand. There were so many people and flowers. I just can't help but wonder, how many lives did he touch?
Anyway, we got home around nine, I went to the bathroom and to my surprise AF showed up. She gave me no sign she was coming. No bloating, no cramping, no back pain!! She is 7 days early. I am so upset and disappointed. I had planned my Canada trip this week in the hope that it would get me thought the 2ww, but now I am leaving knowing that I am still not pregnant. I shouldn't even be going on this trip. I had stopped traveling in August. I thought I would be out on maternity leave by now, maybe even looking for a new job and never having to travel away from my family again. I don't want to go to Canada. I do not want to spend my nights in a hotel room. It gets so lonely and depressing. I can’t wait for this week to be over.