Friday, November 14, 2008

There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count.”Dr. Robert

GOOD NEWS: I've patiently waited one week to call the RE for my test results. Dr. Cho was not in, so I had to speak to the nurse. The Rubella, Toxoplasmosis and herpies test came back negative...which I knew it would, but I tested positive for the antibodies for Cytomegalovirus. Of course i flipped out as soon as she told me because I have no idea what this virus is. She explained to me that it is a very common virus and most adults get it before the age of 40. The problem is that if you get it while you are pregnant you can miscarry. The thing is, we don't know if I got the virus while I was pregnant. The good news is that it the virus caused the miscarriage than it is unlikely that it would happen again.

BAD NEW: I spoke with the pathologist today. She explained to me what CHI is and how uncommon and understudied it is. She also said that is was not mentioned on my pathology report as a cause of miscarriage, but as a finding. Since no one knows what causes it, the first thing suggested is that you are tested for viral infections and that is why she told Dr. Cho to test me. So, She does not know for sure if the CHI caused the miscarriage or if the viral infection did and basically there is no way to really know until I get pregnant again. She also said that CHI recurrence is more around 40-60% than 70% which is what I originally thought.

I am relieved and excited to know that there is nothing seriously wrong with, however I just feel like if I had an illness, than it could be treated and I can get pregnant again and not have to worry so much. Know I just feel like I have to take a chance and hope for a good outcome. I am filled with mixed emotions. What if i do get pregnant and it happen again. I just don't know if I can deal with another loss. I have an appointment with a MFM on Nov. 24t. I can't wait to hear his opinion. I'm wondering if he will give me some immune suppressants just in case or if He suggests I get pregnant with out it. Either way, I am scared and just don't know who I am suppose to believe or trust.

I still can't believe I am not pregnant anymore. Its been almost three months and it still feels like yesterday. I miss being pregnant. I miss my baby.

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