The light at the end of the tunnel is not only flickering, but is getting nearer and nearer.- Mohagher Iqbad

It’s been almost three months since we lost our son. Three months of Doctor appointments, crying, blood tests, no answers, crying, crazy explanations, my own research, crying, waiting, praying, hoping, patiently waiting, crying, and discussing. Three months of thinking I will never be able to carry a child. Three months of thinking that I will in no way be able to give my husband a biological child. Three months of thinking that I am a failure and that I truly have no purpose. Three months of torturing myself, grieving, pretending that I am ok for the sake of everyone else, playing games with my brain, blaming myself, forgiving myself, and having everyone around me for not understanding. Three months of feeling lost, trapped, vulnerable, feeling like this empty feeling would never end and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, today, finally I am starting to see the tiniest flickering of light!! We had our pre-conception consultation today with Dr. Alvarez. I was nervous about the appointment, so worried about what he was going to say. He was very kind and strait to the point. He explained out situation to us in a way we could finally understand. He has already planned a treatment for me and even though he said it would not bee 100% effective, he seemed optimistic. The plan includes me taking B6, B16, folic acid, blood thinner and prednisone. He said “Get pregnant on Monday and come back on Friday.” So that is our plan. We are not going to stress over the treatment right now, we are just going to concentrate on getting pregnant. I am so excited that we now have something to focus on. The last me three months have consumed me; I have not been able to concentrate on anything else. Now, I have something to look forward to. This is going to be a whole new life’s journey and I can’t wait to see where it takes us.